Feel me up Friday Awards: Toilet glasses are SO *me*

Yesterday, I took the offspring to what's known collectively as "the outside mall." It boasts a super sweet underground sprinkler system in the center, so we got her all suited up and sent her into the water while I sat uncomfortable and sweaty along the sidelines. I hate to sweat. It makes me angry. But I think I browned a little, so...bonus.


I hope while I was telling this incredibly LAME story, you were busy ignoring me, typing up your bestest Imma do Candyland better than Candyland contest entry. Times a wastin', and you DON'T want to miss the chance to win one of THREE query critiques from the lovely Miss Elana Johnson. When you're done with (what's soon to be known as) super-amazing-blog post entry, take a mosey over to Matthew's blog where Elana's query is up for public consumption. You'll then see why I *heart* her brilliance so much.


Side note: Check out this crazy/hysterical site, Shit my kids ruined. It had me laughing forfreakingever.


Random Fact: I once dropped my glasses in the toilet at a strip club. There's so many things wrong with that sentence, I know...


Random Fact: When I was 12, I weighed close to 200lbs. YIKES! This is very true. I have an "I love Steven Tyler" shirt that I got at that weight, and over the years as I shrank, I cut the shirt down to size and used safety pins to hold it together. Ahh the wonder years.


Whoa! A little rough today, aren't you? Take it easy. I know you're excited about winning a critique, but really. I like to take things slow. Eh, who am I kidding. That was FANTASTIC (except for the embarrassing facts)! Feel me up again next Friday. Until then, some awards! And I want to apologize in advance because I have no clue where these came from since I've been holding them for so long. So if you gave it to me, comment and I'll link you:)

Dianne Salerni
T.H. Mafi
Shannon O'Donnell
The Alliterative Allomorph
Ashley Atkins
Anne
Jen (Unedited)

Talli Roland

Shannon McMahon

Matthew Rush
Sheri Larsen
B. Miller Fiction
Dawn
Lenny

Zoe Courtman

Justine Dell

Kierah Jane Reilly
Lola Sharp
Lydia Kang
The Urban Cowboy
Jo Schaffer

Thanks to each and every one of you who's given me an award. I *heart* you all more than you know. This week's Unedited "something vs. something": tube socks vs. ankle socks. I was half asleep creating this one, sooooo it's not my best work, and as always, Gram could not be more indifferent (mainly because she can't hear)...

Now, go check out these other talented ladies and see who wins their arguments.
The Alliterative Allomorph 
T.J. Carson's Writing Endeavors 
Creepy Query Girl 
Shannon McMahon 
Open Window 
Susan Field 
Pinches of Madness 
Unedited (Jen)

Slushpile Slut


Candyland. OUT.

P.S. Enter the "Imma Do Candyland better than Candyland contest" HERE! 

Imma do Candyland better than Candyland Contest: Win a query critique!

Soooooo, I went to the mothership yesterday. You know. The place we all belong, the bookstore. Every journey over, I scan the new releases, thumb my way through the "G's" and imagine my baby glistening alongside the others who found their way home. This visit had special meaning, though.

As you all may know, my fabulous bud, Dianne, gets to visit her baby at the bookstore as often as she wants now and I couldn't be more proud. Soooooo I had to get a picture with it. Isn't it cute? Only 3 weeks old and feisty as hell. To meet this amazing woman at a signing, check out her page for dates.

Though, I'd really rather see this:

A girl can dream. Soooo, how's the weather? And your mother? She's good? Oh, not so much? Sorry to hear. Are you waiting for the new contest announcement? OOOHHH. My bad.
Here's the deets, peeps:

After the first contest, you asked for more Elana query critiques, so I bribed asked her, and she's obliged. However, due to some disconcerting chatter about the difficulty of the contest, I've gone and changed some things so all can enter, whether you rock at Candyland impersonations or not.

(The new) 

"Imma do Candyland better then Candyland Contest"

So what do you have to do?

-Tell me your favorite Candyland blog post and why to

candaceganger [at] yahoo [dot] com 

That's it. Make me laugh, make me cry, whatev. 

Rules:

-If you've already sent me a blog post, DON'T re-enter! Your entry totally counts.

-If you still want to type a pitch, paragraph or pretend Candyland blog post to enter, you score extra points!

-Contest starts NOW and runs through Thursday, June 17th at midnight.

-Winners will be announced Friday, June 18th

-You MUST be a follower to enter

-Physical prizes open to U.S. peeps only, but query critique open to all!!!

-Spread the word and get virtual hugs. Blog, Tweet, Space, Face, USPS, etc and get more virtual hugs + eternal bffness love + my undying gratitude forever and ever.

-Questions? Email or leave a comment. Just be sure to include your email. And as always, eat your vegetables.

~June 1st Winning Prize~

Query critique by Elana Johnson

Life As We Knew It (paperback) by Susan Beth Pfeffer (donated by Elana!)

Matching bookmark (donated by Elana!)

~June 2nd Winning Prize~

Query critique by Elana Johnson

Before I Fall (hardback) by Lauren Oliver

~June 3rd Winning Prize~

Query critique by Elana Johnson

If you want the chance to get a top-of-the-line query critique, don't miss your chance to enter. Elana rocks and after she's done with you, your query will too.

So go. Enter. Do your thang. But first, my last Candyland picture series adventure (holy long sentence!), with Sarah Ahiers holding me hostage during a paint ball war.

 I told her I had a gun phobia, but she was all "just do it and quit your whining!" So, I sucked it up.

 Then she shielded herself with my body, so I'd get hit, but she wouldn't. Take a paint ball for you friends? Anytime.

 And in the blaze of glory, I tried to protect her, but failed. Sorry, Sarah. Maybe next time.

And then the funniest thing happened...A tiny astronaut floated down from the sky and demanded an end to all paint ball wars. Peace ensued, and we all hugged. Until it got weird.

So, friends. This concludes the Candyland adventures (for now). Take a minute. Regroup.
Enter the contest. And tell me, who would rescue you in a paint ball war?
I'm pretty sure my pool boy would be first in line to take the bullet.


Candyland. OUT.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy...

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd weigh a hell of a lot less. No snacking. No ice cream. No food that tastes yummy because it wouldn't be worth it. No salt (I can't retain water in the bikini I'd squeeze my lard ass into). No embarrassing food stuck in my teeth which means no constant mirror checks after meals, which means more time to ogle (my clean pool).

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd write more. Well, I'd actually write less. It's kind of the same. Unless I wrote about taking a dip into his ripples when the summer heat beat down on upon us, skin glistening, hearts afire. Maybe I should turn the AC on and grab a notebook.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd have more money. No pointless grocery store trips for things like pull-ups and Oreos. No McDs. No...wait. It sounds like all I do is eat.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd invest in a treadmill. I'd...I'd...Ehh. Scratch that.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy...I guess...I'd have to get a pool :/

It's possible I've fried my brain. I'm still *twinkling* over Elana's news, recovering from the contestes (hehe), and dealing with a headache from my (worsening) asthma. Soooooo, hopefully tomorrow I'll be "right" again. If I was even close before.

Until then...

Who'd you want cleaning your pool? (things that sound dirty but aren't)

Candyland. OUT.

When your heart tears down the middle, think of robots

We're all people, dudes. Unless you're a robot. If you're a robot, stop reading. This isn't about you. Let me start by saying the offspring had a nasty tummy ache before bed. You know where this is going. I went to check on her an hour later, only to find she'd thrown up everyfreakingwhere.

This isn't the first time and needless to say, I'm feeling a little pukey/craptastic just thinkng about the chunks I had to scrub out of the carpet. Bleh. What's worse, the sweet thing was afraid to tell us, prepared to sleep in it. That makes my heart tear right down the middle. Something robots can't understand (I guess).
But I digress.

Some of us like The Used (me). Some of us prefer Miley Cyrus (the offspring). Some of us eat sushi (Matthew Rush). Some of us would rather lick dirt (me). Some of us call people names like "dag" (T.A.A.). Some of us don't know what the hell that means (me). Some of us have an agent (not me). Some of us don't (me).

Something's been stuck in my crawl for a few days now I have to get off my incredibly busty chest (daydreaming again). No, this is not a rant about Bert's hot wife (seriously, don't get me started on that mess), or a (valid) complaint about the Dollar Inn's screwy marketing campaign that advertises rooms at $26.95, but when you go in they're TWICE that.

This is about people. Awesome people. People who, I think, are the cat's meow. People who have been hurt. People who've been made to feel, they're less. People who fight the good fight with a smile. People who tell me their TRADE stories. People who want to be writers when they grow up. People who have it in them to be writers when they grow up. And the people who make those people feel like they'll never be as cool as them, or be writers when they grow up.

I've told you my TRADE story, and everything in between. You're always welcome here. Agented or not. Big publishing deal or not. I love you if you're successful, or if you're brand new. If you're reading my words, you're already a bigger a part of my world then you realize.

This goes out to everyone who's fighting the good fight with a smile. The people who give their all (or part) day after day. The people who obsessively check their emails for acceptance or rejections. Because we all want to be accepted...                                      Like this guy.

He hearts long walks on the beach,
his feet in snow,
and books on oxymorons.

Happy bday week numero tres, hubs.

Candyland. OUT.

P.S. Enter the contestes. Stroke Strike that. TWO contestes. They end TOMORROW at noon. Enter the drawing. Enter the photo contest. Enter them both. Tell your friends. Give me candy. Wait... For the photo contest, I'll be adding extra surprises when I announce winners. They're that awesome. I want to see more. Gimme gimme gimme.

GO HERE RIGHT NOW TO ENTER. 

I MEAN IT. NOW. OR ELSE.


P.P.S. If you need a larger image of Candyland for the contest, just ask and I'll email it to you, or use this.

Bald spots and trucker hats are the new Prada & Prejudice

I wanted to post about this sooner, but you know...(insert something clever). It's big. Gigantic. GinOURMOUS. Brace yourselves or sit down. Or stand if that's what you like. Or sit. Whatev. The day was like any other.
Except, my darling daughter found the scissors.

The suspect, found guilty of cutting, left all the evidence I needed. With a pair of latex gloves and CSI's Horatio (I keep him in my pocket for times like these), I photographed, bagged and tagged the strands of hair.

With the suspect in custody, my team documented the damage and found trace elements of metal that had touched her.

The sentence? A few laughs and a temporary bald spot. So, yeah. The moral of this story is...is...uhhh....don't let your child use scissors. Unless you need something to blog about. No, that's not right...

Needless to say, other than the blog, a few short stories and contests (that actually sounds like a lot), Candyland hasn't had a whole lot of writing time in between impromptu haircuts and breathing. Not that I have any agented deadlines or anything *sigh*(<----Come on come on come on come on come on)

What I DO have is a contestes. Stroke Strike that. TWO contestes. They end THIS Thursday at noon. Enter the drawing. Enter the photo contest. Enter them both. Tell your friends. Give me candy. Wait... For the photo contest, I'll be adding extra surprises when I announce winners. They're that awesome. I want to see more. Gimme gimme gimme.
GO HERE RIGHT NOW TO ENTER. 
I MEAN IT. NOW. OR ELSE.
In the spirit of the second day of hubs's big birthday week (yeah!), I thought I'd give y'all a little relationship re-cap. Our love story, condensed.

Met at open mic through mutuals. Forgot about him. Re-met him four days later at mutuals rock show. He was cute. He emailed me. I emailed him. Emails ensued.

Fast forward. We move in together. He makes me laugh so hard I trickle. We put up Christmas lights in the bedroom. We play open mic together. I like to watch him drum. Soon after, offspring is discovered.

We have a baby. We do things backwards. My wedding dress was black. We play in a band together. He tells me he loves me 800 times a day. I kind of like him too. And here we are now.

 An american love story. Or barf fest. Whatev. I wonder what Bert will tell his childen about the love of his life (me, sillies).

In re: to B.Miller's Pay It Forward Contest (go ENTER), today, I'm going to do some good. Maybe I'll bathe (for the hubs), maybe I'll play the chase game an extra minute or so (for the offspring), maybe I'll hold the door open for someone who's pushing past or tell offspring's dance teacher how freakin' adorable she is (maybe that's creepy). 

OR, maybe I'll donate $ I don't have. Or take old crap to the Salvation Army. Or wake up early so the hubs can sleep in (hahahahaha). Or walk the asshole neighbor's asshole dog. Or congratulate Tiny Tank for completely rocking her tiny tank. Or something. I'm sure it'll come to me. The point is, pay it forward, no matter how big or small. Every good deed makes a difference in the eyes of the beholder. 

Have you experienced a good deed or received one? Tellmetellmetellme.

Candyland. OUT.

Why Chuck E Cheese is another form of hell & OMG. OSU. LOL.

Oh, my lovelies, you won't believe it (well, you might).

We attempted to have a family fun night at the old pizza (grease fest) and token (not the marijuana kind) joint, also known as Charles E. (stands for Everlasting fire) Dairy. Or, Chuck E. Cheese. If you've ever been, you know going in things are going to be rough. Not "okay my kid's throwing a fit, I can handle it" rough. I'm talking babies crying, ass-smack crowded, noise-induced vertigo, that table stole my sprinkle cheese, get the dude in the giant rat costume away from me before I hyperventilate, wow I spent all that and got four tickets kind of madness.  

It's not fun. It's not good food. It's hell. Pure effing hell. We left with heartburn, minus $30, four small plastic bugs (she "bought" with tickets) and a headache. But it's all about family fun, right? Right.........

Rewind 24 magical hours. The hubs, offspring and I went to THE wedding of the century this weekend. I'm not even kidding. If you're a football fan (I'm not), prepare to drool just a little (though, I'd rather drool over chocolate or an agent. but I digress). Wait for it...

Wait...

Keep waiting...

That's right. The wedding was ON the Ohio State Field. 

Ummm, you don't have to be a football fan to appreciate how freakin' sweet this was. Insane, actually. Lilliana got to practice her future cheerleading skills (with some risque moves I hope don't lead to to pole dancing).And then she pouted during the actual ceremony because Mommy's so mean, making her sit quietly...

But Mommy ignored her plea and daydreamed of all the amazing CONTEST ENTRIES she's gotten for the "Where in the world is Candyland" picture contest. Seriously. They are unbelievable. And you still have a few days left to enter (by Thursday at noon EST).

And then all that thinking made me think maybe I could be a cheerleader, too. After a few waves of the pom-pom, I decided, ultimately, cheerleading was not my strong suit, and Lilliana agreed. 'Twas a lovely ceremony under deathly sun rays and growling belly, where we got a private stadium tour and saw our darling 3yo sing, and dance, to Single Ladies like she knew what she was preaching. *sigh*

It was great. And with all the lovey-dovey crap, the hubs wrote yours truly a note. For Mother's Day. Yeah, it's way late, but I don't care. His notes make my year, because they contain drawings like this:  

The dude has little tears. How can I *not* smile? And yes, the offspring has better handwriting, but still. I declare this "Happy BDay Hubs Week." Everyday this week, you'll get a little peek into the man behind the Land (Candy). Until tomorrow....

Have you ever though about what music you'd require if stranded on an island? Me either. I kind of have too much in my head already. Like Chuck-E-effing-Cheese. Buuuuutttt, The Alliterative Allomorph FORCED ME (xoxo) to do this Fantasy Island Top 15 album picks (because she's curious about my picks). Though, if you mosey over to hers, you'll notice she put a crap load of thought and time into the post. Because she's awesome. 

With that said, my lame ass added a twist (because my way takes less time). I don't always like entire albums, just songs (other than BERT). Soooo, here's my top 15 songs.

You can check out all the other (way better) entries at Tossing It Out.

*Sound Effects and Overdramatics by The Used. If my ms is ever a movie, this would be the theme song. It rocks. Hard.
Listen to this when you want to get PUMPED. Bert + musical suspense = *butterflies*
*Dream On by Aerosmith. Because it's timeless. I grew up on these guys and this is one of the first songs I learned on guitar. Plus, have you seen Joe Perry? Mmm.
Listen to this song for inspiration.
*Babe I'm Gonna Leave You by Led Zeppelin. Ohhh Jimmy Page. He gets me. Like on a really deep level. Totally.
Listen to this when you've been scorned.

*Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. This.Song.Makes.Me.Sleepy.Or high.I.Can't.Tell. But I like it.
Listen to this when you want to zone the hell out.
*Let the Flames Begin by Paramore. My band covered this. It's my favorite because it's got an erie feel.
Listen to this for conviction. In the live version you can feel it.
*Only One byYellowcard. The hubs and I used to perform this at open mic together. He played his djembe drum and I played my acoustic and sang.
Listen to this and remember the good times with your honey.

*Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit. Because sometimes I wake up angry.
Listen to this when you're having a bad day and want to fight anything that gets in your way.
*Beautiful by Northmont. I walked down the aisle to it, and it still leaves me breathless.
Listen to this when you want to swoon.
*Poetic Tragedy by The Used. I posted before about this song and it's lesson.
Listen to this when you feel like giving up.

*Me, You & My Medication by Boys Like Girls. Because I really *get* these lyrics.
Listen to this if you know where I'm coming from.
*Race You to the Bottom by New Medicine. Because this songs kicks ass. Flithy, filthy mouthed rockstars.
Listen to this if, OMG, you wanna ROCK OUT (and cuss. a lot.)
*Different by Acceptance. I posted about this song, too. Melodically, it's gorgeous. It'll stick with you.
Listen to this if you feel like you don't belong.

*Cassie by Flyleaf. I have a thing for dark lyrics, songs, stories. Lacey sings about something so tragic in such a powerful, beautiful way, it cuts deep.
Listen to this and remember Columbine or any other horrific school tragedy
*Please Bleed by Ben Harper. My. God. This song, live, brings you to your knees. He's brilliant.
Listen to this and feel your heart completely break (in a good way)
*Her World by Auryn (Northmont). A heartbreaking story I sing in my sleep.
Listen to this if you feel balled-esque and bitter:)

Before I go, my lovelies, I'd like to plug the amazing authoress Dianne Salerni. If you're in the Haverford, PA area this Saturday, PLEASE go see her (with Adele Griffin and Lisa Brown) at Children's Book World. Buy her latest book, "We Hear the Dead" by clicking HERE. Go have it signed. You WON'T be sorry. For all her other dates and news on this cool, cool chick, visit her website: http://diannesalerni.blogspot.com

How about you. What ONE song would be one your list and why?

Candyland. OUT.


P.S. ENTER MY CONTESTS!


P.P.S Heard of T.J. Carson's Famous Friday's? Check it out HERE.

Feel me up Friday Awards: I eat face wash & Blogger Is Crapping on my post

Still, you amaze me. 

I've written a little post, about a pain that's unimaginable. And in return, I get the most thoughtful, beautiful comments and emails two days later. I'm in awe of every single one of you. To be honest, I've been in a bad place mentally with writing. Like everything I'm doing still equals nothing, because there isn't much to show for it. Until two days ago. Now I have an entire folder called "Inspiration" that I'll look at everyday, because of you. 

On the contest front, in ONE WEEK winners will be drawn and photos picked. I've not gotten a whole lot of entries on either so I've added a few more prizes. Here's the total re-cap. Please Tweet, FBook, MSpace, Blog and text everyone you know. If you email me, or leave in comments you did any of this AGAIN, I'll give you three more entries per link. *wink wink*

PRIZES for random drawing: (not open to my overseas peeps *insert boos*)

-"We Hear the Dead" by Dianne Salerni (Signed) (Thanks Dianne!)

-"Writing Great Books for Young Adults" by Regina Brooks

-"Radiant Shadows" (paperback) by Melissa Marr (Thanks Valerie!)

-"If I Stay" (paperback) by Gayle Foreman

-"Beautiful" (hardback) by Amy Reed

-"Before I Fall" (hardback) by Lauren Oliver

-"Slash" (hardback) by Slash (thank you...hubs!)

-"Devilish" by Maureen Johnson

-2 Bookmarks Autographed by Maria V. Snyder and Julie Kagawa

-Handmade Soy candle (made by meeeee!) in the scent of Smore's Delight

Contest Number TWO: Print off my profile picture, (or photoshop me) in the most unique setting/doing something super cool/hanging with crazy awesome peeps! At this point, there will be FIVE winners for this, so get creative.

PRIZES for "Where in the world is Candyland" contest: (open to everyone!)

Choice of:
-Query Critique by Elana Johnson 

-Query Critique by LiLa Roecker  

-First Chapter Critique by Harmony May 

-$25 Amazon Gift Card
Honorable Mention gets $10 Amazon Gift Card:)

MORE INFO

-To Enter The drawing, CLICK HERE and scroll to bottom of post

-All photos for Contest #2 can be emailed to me at candace ganger [at] yahoo [dot] com with the subject "CONTEST."

-All photos will be judged by a panel of experts (me, the hubs, three-year-old and cats).

-Deadline for both contests is Thursday, May 20th at noon (EST).

-You can enter both contests, but only one entry per contest, please. Don't fake it, or I'll disqualify your ass (not you, apparently, just your ass).

-ALL WINNERS will be posted on the hubs's bday, Friday, May 21st!

-Please follow the rules, post links in form, spread the word and eat your vegetables.

-Questions? Concerns? Post in comment box or email me!

-One more thing, if you want to win EVEN MORE free crap, check these gals out: 

The Alliterative Allomorph's contest!

Creepy Query Girl's Contest!

Valerie's Contest!
T.H. Mafi Contest!

Now...Onto a good Friday feel-up and an award. I was fortunate enough to receive something very fitting this week. It's the Happiness Award from my pretend hot momma Ashley. She's sewper kewl and just got engaged! Congrats to me on my new pretend step daddy! Anywho...the rules. I must list 10 things that make me happy, and right now, there's nothing I'd rather do.
-My beautiful family. My absolute best friend of nearly six years( the hubs), and my little princess have made me who I am. 
-My amazing blog buds. Seriously. I think I said it in the first paragraph. You ROCK.
-My incredible life BFFS. I don't see them enough, but they know how wacky I am (in person) and love me anyway.

-My pillow. It's silly. It's really silly. i take my pillow everywhere I stay. It's mine. Only mine.

-Being able to stay home with my princess. It takes some sacrifice financially, (also, enduring some people's opinion of what a SAHM actually does...grrr...), but worth every single micro-second.

-The ability to write. Sometimes. When I'm able. I can't write as often as I want, be it from time, offspring, or lack of mental creativeness. But I'm still grateful.

-The rest of my fam. Even though my bro's overseas, and everyone else is anywhere from a 20 minute to 2 hour drive, the times we do have together are few and far between.

-DVR. Holy crap without it, I'd never see Y&R...That's a world I don't want to be.

-My eyelash curler. I'm not vein in the least, but if you know me, you know if the house were burning down, this would be with me. If the eyes are the window to the soul, I want my curtains to flutter.

-Being alive. 

And I pass this beautiful award to:

Steena

Shannon O'Donnell 

Sheri Larsen

Matthew Rush

Jessica Bell (!)

Random Fact: In a sleepy stupor, I once put face wash on my tooth brush. Tasted salicylic acid in my mouth for days...The worst part? I didn't even notice until it was time to spit. The best part? No acne on my teeth :/

Random Fact: I'm a toast-a-holic. I could eat toast every meal, if it weren't weird and unhealthy. There have been days, where I've done that...but...*cough* I don't recommend it. 

Thanks for the quickie feel-up. Now onto Jen's something vs. something of the week. I've got to be honest, this post took me all freaking day(!!!), with a terrible headache and offspring wanting extra playtime. After yesterday's post I felt it necessary to soak in every moment I had with her, so, it left me no time to create my animated video. This is a weekly thing, so I'll return next week in the battle. In the meantime,these cool peeps will continue in my place. Chexemowwt.

Shannon

The Alliterative Allomorph 

T.J. Carson 

Jen

Creepy Query Girl

Have a super weekend. And if you get the urge to tell your story, I'm an email away... 

Candyland. OUT.

xoxo